While on our Trolley Tour of Savannah Georgia, we drove by this Jewish monument to the first Jewish settlers and the first Jewish cemetery in Savannah.
As our trolley conductor drove by the monument she pointed out the stones on top and the fact that Jews leave pebbles or small stones on graves of their loved ones. She encouraged the bus passengers to look up why.
Why Do Jews Put Stones on Graves?
One theory is this: During the times of the Temple in Jerusalem, Jewish priests (kohanim) became ritually impure if they came within four feet of a corpse. As a result, Jews began marking graves with piles of rocks in order to indicate to passing kohanim that they should stay back.
Another reason comes from the Talmud and the belief that after a person dies their soul continues to dwell for a while in the grave where they are buried. In theory, putting stones on a grave keeps the soul down in this world. I don't buy that, but some people may find that comforting. Another related interpretation suggests that the stones keep demons and golems from getting into the graves. OY!
During the Exodus, the entire adult generation that left Egypt died while wandering in the desert. The scholarly argument is that there was no reason to mark the earliest Hebrew graves in the wilderness, since their goal was Canaan, not return visits to ancestor tombs.
There is no commandment to place a stone on a grave. So it is an opportunity for you to create your own ritual, or do things in the way that feels most meaningful to you. I like the reason that stones last longer than flowers.
PEBBLE/STONE:
There is one more concept that goes like this. “The Hebrew word for ‘pebble’ is tz’ror – and it happens that this Hebrew word also means ‘bond.’ This relates to a Hebrew prayer for the departed that is recited. The prayer is called "El Maleh Rahamim." In this prayer is this verse:
"We beseech (אָנָּא-Ana) the Merciful One to shade them forever with divine wings, and to bind their soul up in the bonds (b’tzror-pebble) of life. The Lord is their heritage, and they shall rest peacefully on her bed. And let us say, Amen."