I MISS HIM ALREADY

I suppose I can call this blog post a remembrance in honor of my good and loyal chaver (friend), Benji. 

It has been a long night. At 3 am on the 13th day of the 3rd month - The 3rd day of Adar II - I lost my very dear friend. Our family pet (member) Benji. 😪 A 13 year old Labradoodle.  I laid by his side till his last breath. I miss him already.

When I came home from scripture study group tonight Benji's brother Casper came to greet me at my car door without Benji. The two ALWAYS greeted me together. "Where's Benji?" I asked Casper.

Benji was laying oddly near the mudroom door I come in. He looked at me from where he laid as if to say "I need your help." I went over to Benji and helped his 85lbs off the lawn furniture he put himself on at some point earlier in the day. I put his front legs on the ground. He waited for me to help him with his rear legs too. He had virtually no strength and was very wobbly. Benji struggled to make his way inside, rather than expecting me to carry him in, but as soon as he made his way into the kitchen his big body collapsed to the floor.  

Benji stretched himself flat on the rug and looked at me with his big eyes. He looked so sad and I knew he wanted me to join him on the floor. I did. Never leaving his side.

I cuddled up to Benji and we laid together for hours right where he went down. I told Benji "stay," just so Benji could feel like he was still following commands. A dog wants to serve his master, and I knew that the only command Benji could follow was "stay." It was my way off giving Benji his dignity as " my dog." He could do "stay." 

All his life Benji wanted to be my side, now it was time to be by his. I reassured him he was still a "good boy Benji" He knew this phrase. Just like he knew all his commands. "Good boy Benji" seemed to comfort him. I said it over & over as we laid and he labored to breath. I said it to try to reward him for his lifetime of good behavior, loyalty and friendship. I wanted Benji to know that he was STILL a "good dog" even if he couldn't get up, or sit, or go with me from where he laid ever again. I wanted Benji know I was with him. I didn't want him to be afraid of anything!  

Benji knew it was his time. He kept his eyes open and looked into mine many times during these evening hours. He made an attempt to join his buddy and brother Casper one more time to "go outside" to relieve himself. But he could not lift himself off the floor. 

They always went outside together. They always came in together too. They waited for each other all the time! They were inseparable. One of the saddest moments tonight was when Benji couldn't join Casper to go out. He tried so hard, lifting his front up for just a moment and looking at Casper, then dropping himself back to the floor. It was like Benji was implying to Casper, "go on without me." Casper went and quickly came back. He stayed the night with us in the kitchen. All of us, Mary too. She laid down under the dining table.  We all wanted to be with our family member.

Casper knew it was Benji's time to pass. I comforted Benji and assured him he could relieve himself inside as laid with me on the kitchen floor. He did and when Casper came in he laid down with his body beside Benji's for a time, the last time they would be laying with one another. It seemed like Casper needed to feel Benji's closeness one more time and to be by his friend's side.

Benji was a large animal with a gentle soul. He was a "Certified Therapy Animal" and we were a team. We were "Partners." That's the technical term for it. Certified Service dogs have a special quality and Benji had a gift for comforting anyone who meet him. In a room with people he always knew who needed his body beside them. The interesting thing I learned "working" with him on volunteer visits is that what he did was counter intuitive. Benji's means of comforting someone was to recieve affection. It was allowing a person "in need" of comfort "to give" affection that made the "patient" feel better. Benji was affectionate with just his presence. Benji would draw people out to bestow kindness. When Benji stood by a person, they wanted to pet him. 

The Hebrew word for love, ahavah, reveals this true definition of love, for the word ahavah is built upon the root consonants h‑v, which means “to give.”

The Hebrew word for friend is Chaver. For me, his name was Benji. R.I.P. One other thing I just noticed about Benji's name. The first three letters are "Ben." That is the Hebrew word for "Son." Ben or Bar is also the first word inside the first word in the Torah -- Bereshit בְּרֵאשִׁ֖ית

P.S. If you click on the tag DrBenji Labradoodle it will take you to Benji's Facebook page.  I kept it to remember some of the special moments we worked together as a "Pet Partner's Therapy Team."

P.P.S. Most everyone who reads this post has gone through the loss of multiple animals.  Each is special with your own experiences.  God blesses.