Sometimes I understand something in my soul that I doubt I could explain to someone else. When I experience an understanding in my soul I know my prayers and meditations are connected to Hashem.
I had such an moment while reading the following linked article on Malchut and the humility of kingship this morning and understanding it in the context of Salvation.
This type of experience happens most often when I am in a completely dark and quiet room at a very early hour in the morning, before sunrise. Just after I open my eyes, but well before I have any intention of getting up, it is not uncommon for me to hear a small voice. It is not audible. It is heard by listening in the spirit. I follow it. This is also when I love to journal the most, capturing revelations along the way. Such is the basis for this blog post.
My conscious self is often observing during this interaction between my soul and the small voice. I find myself drifting back to sleep. In my slumber the conversation continues, un-encumbered by reality and the dominance that comes from an awake and active mind. For that reason I allow myself to freely drift back to sleep, sometimes it is for twenty minutes and sometimes for twenty seconds. I don't make any attempt to stay awake.
Because I am dreaming at times during this process (for lack of a better word to call it), I have to discern the meaning of my dreams. I have to separate what the brain is doing from what the small voice is saying.
Once the sun comes up and natural light starts to enter my room I shift my focus. If I have been journaling I try to wrap up my entry. Sometimes I will follow up with research. It all depends.
I cherish these moments. My prayer is that the understanding I recieve during them will guide me in my daily life. Sadly, I often fall short from the correction I desire. Perhaps part of the reason I fall short from the achieving what I feel is a sufficient correction is that I am not as clear as I need to be in my asking. Either way, I am certain that this process is never complete until we stand before Adonai. "Rinse and repeat" is a colloquial expression that comes to mind for the pattern of repeating this process day-after-day.
The world has it's ways of distracting me from applying the understanding that comes to my soul during prayer and meditation to how I operate during my day. Maintaining mindfulness of Hashem is a challenge.
Starting my day in the Word is good. But I want to do a better job of charging myself with an intention and setting reminders that help me to keep on track.
As I have gotten older I have learned to embrace the journey and to be more gentle with myself as I navigate the balance between the better self I desire and the self I am. By the same token, there is an increasing sense of urgency. I don't know if this sense of urgency is due to my aging or the world's aging, or both.
I appreciate if all this sounds a bit like crazy talk. If you think it does I would suggest you read the article that inspired this blog post -- Malchut and the humility of kingship and draw your own connection to Hashem however you do.
Proverbs 20:12 -- "The ear that hears and the eye that sees—the LORD has made them both"
שָׁׁלוֹם שָׁׁלוֹם -- Shalom Shalom - Perfect Peace
