I have trouble crying. Decades ago I discussed this with a psychologist. I wanted to cry, to release, but it wasn't happening.
Some things could make me cry -- like a beautiful touching story about an animal that rescued someone. I remember crying myself to sleep when I was 14 years old the night my horse was dying.
Sometimes, rarely, I would burst out crying, sobbing, because something deeply sentimental would finally hit me. Like crying about the death of my parents, long after the funeral. Or weeks after dropping our children off at college for the first time and realizing that they'd never be "living at home" again. Or the loss of my dog when another dog reminded me of Benji.
I don't think I'm that unique. What is it about men? I can't speak for all men of course. But I have one theory about some men, in particular, some Jewish men.
I think many Jewish men have had the crying cried out of them even before they were born. That's right, before they were born. I never saw or heard my father cry. Although, when I went to his bedside when he was weeks away from dying, when he couldn't even speak, his eyes welled up with tears when he saw me. He reached for my hand and held on. I believe he knew it was the last time we would see one another.
Generations of Jewish suffering, persecution, and profound grief and hardship have required resilience for survival. Eventually tears dried up, replaced by communal memory of pain without tears. Could that response somehow have been passed down?
Sometimes we cry when a non-Jew expresses love for us and Israel, and we get the sense that they understand.
Not Crying -- It's a Thing
Psychologist tell us that it's hard for some people to cry due to emotional suppression from past trauma or societal pressure, leading to numbness or being in "survival mode," which blocks emotional release.
It's often harder for men to cry due to a mix of biology (hormones like testosterone potentially inhibiting tears, prolactin promoting them) and societal pressures, where cultural norms teach boys to be stoic, suppress emotions, and view vulnerability as weakness, leading to emotional containment or lashing out instead of crying.
Frankly, I am envious of men with a soft loving heart who cry easily, for the right reasons. I have a few dear friends like that. They are precious to me. One of them is in the hospital having life necessary surgery today. Another mutual friend. I tell this friend, I cry through him.
God's speed Tony. ❤️🩹🙏
We all look forward to seeing your smile again soon!
